she looked like the before picture.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
