I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
