Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
