Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
zippers are such a cool invention
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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