Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
