I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
