I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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