Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
