Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now Iโm flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize