After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
