I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
