i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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