First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
