You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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