In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
