he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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