dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize