i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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