you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
