In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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