my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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