just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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