Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
