...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
