'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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