omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
