Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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