Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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