the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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