I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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