dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
