If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
