not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
