some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
