So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize