mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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