I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
