I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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