If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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