Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize