My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
