I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
