I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just gift wrapped bread.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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