What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
