You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
