You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
