It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
is that a dick in a sweater?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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