I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
