My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
