please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
