Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
