Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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