guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize