Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
