insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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