am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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