if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
