its not stalking. its research.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
