I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
