hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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