dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
