You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
