I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
