Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish i was in the wii world.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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