Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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