Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
