Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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