As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
