6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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