You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
