I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize