Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
