he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
