I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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