Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
