Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize