i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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