have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
