no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
