Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
