oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize