when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
