I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
