my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
