Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
