Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
