You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
