I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize