no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
