and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
