Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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