Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
