How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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