It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
