I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
