Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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