Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
