my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize