do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize