I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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