we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
