Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
