so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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