So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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