Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
