So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
