Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
