Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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