why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
