I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
