I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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