One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
