OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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